


CartmanxStan

by Loneremo90



Category: South Park
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-08-16 11:14:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 3,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8100325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loneremo90/pseuds/Loneremo90
Summary: Oneshots of Stan and Cartman as a couple.





	1. Tattoo

**Author's Note:**

> The next chapter will center them snacking on grilled cheese sandwiches.

Stan nuzzled his head into the brunet's chest, tracing the letters on Eric's arm. He loved Eric's tattoo of his name in cursive writing on his arm. Stan smiled at the inked letters, reminiscing the day Eric surprised him with the tattoo on his 16th birthday. 

"That tattoo looked painful, dude." Stan moved his head to Eric's shoulder, continuing to trace the sooty letters.

"I had to squeeze my mother's hand to keep myself crying," Eric stated embarrassedly. "don't try to do the same thing, Stanley. You won't handle this kind of pain."

Stan shook his head, black hair brushing the other teen's cheek. "Um, you don't have to worry about me getting ink on my body because I forbid it."

Eric looked down at the half nude raven in his arm, pulling him close to his side. A sigh of relief escapes from the brunet's throat. He was happy that Stan is the on the same page as him for opposing the tattoo request. 

Eric moved a strand of black hair from Stan's forehead, lifting his chin with his hand. Eric curled into a small smile as he leans in and presses his nose against Stan's. He looked at Stan half-lidded. "You made the right decision, my sweet prince."

"How come you went and got a tattoo?" Stan asked, curiosity raise in his voice.

"Because I thought having your name on my skin would be awesome," Eric replied huskily, biting the raven's upper lip. "and I want everyone to know that you're mine."

Stan punched him on the arm lightly, smiling at the brunet. "You are such a dork."

"But I'm your dork," Eric bantered with a smile, kissing Stan on the lips.


	2. Grilled Cheese

"You make the best-grilled cheese sandwich, Stan," Eric exclaimed in a mouth full, moaning in delight. "I love the extra cheese and bacon in this."

Stan poured a cup of lemonade from a jug and slid it to Eric at the kitchen table. He loved it when Eric consumes on his homemade meals, complimenting the taste and appearance. His compliments always make him flattered.

"I'm glad you like it, Eric." Stan blushed.

Eric licked cheese crumbs on his fingers, smiling at the athletic raven in front of him at the table. He picked up a napkin and swabbed it across his face.

"Let me clean off your face." Stan leaped over the table, leaning his face to the nervous burnet's and licked the cheese crumb around his mouth. The raven's tongue felt good on his skin; all hot and damp. Eric moaned softly, half-lidded his eyes at Stan's closed ones. 

"I think we should go straight to sex after this." Eric murmured breathlessly.

Stan moved his lips from Eric's face, smiling in anticipation. Stan nodded in agreement. "Let's do it now...on this table." He moved back to his chair, pulling his white shirt over his head.

Eric smirked at his boyfriend's lewd request. "You are such a horny hippie, aren't you."


	3. Condoms

"We need to go to the store and buy more condoms. We are running out in the bathroom cabinet." 

Stan looked up from his sports magazine and frowned at Eric's disappointed face. They need condoms to stir up their sex life. Stan closed the magazine as he watches Eric slump on the couch next to him.

"Are you serious? No more condoms, not even a wrapped one?" Stan asked.

Eric shook his head. "Not even a wrapped one."

"Dude, your mom needs to stop using all the condoms," Stan argued.

"Don't bring my mom in this, Stan. It's your fault for being horny all the time." Eric argued back, defending his mom's defense. He loves Stan with all his heart, but he will be damned if Stan accuses his mom of using all the condoms. Liane might be a whore and a stripper, but she is nowhere as sensual as Stan.

"That because you turn me on every time you talk dirty to me," Stan admitted timidly, averting his eyes from Eric. "I can't help but have sex with you."

"I can't argue with that. I am hot and sexy." He winked at Stan, putting his arm around his shoulder.

Stan fiddled his fingers, blushing. "Sorry for accusing your mom of--"

"Nah, don't worry about it, babe. We can still go to the store and buy more." He brushed his lips on Stan's soft skin. 

"Can we get the flavored kind this time?" 

Eric breathed hotly on Stan's jawline. "Totally."


	4. Chili and a movie

Stan walked behind Eric in the kitchen, tossing his veterinarian gears to the ground, and wrapped his arms around Eric's waist. He buried his face in Eric's wet neck while squeezing him tight, sniffing at the distinctive aroma from the stove. 

"What are you cooking, babe?" He asked, inhaling sharply to the steam.

Eric poured red spice into the pot, smiling to his boyfriend's hot breath on his skin. "Chili con carne."

"Chili con carne? Never heard of that before." He let go of the embrace and stood next to Eric, watching him add garlic into the boiling pot. 

"It's chili, chili." 

"I knew that." Stan twisted his words, kissing Eric on the cheek. 

The fat teen rolled his eyes playfully to Stan's fabricated response and then put the top on the pot. According to the cookbook recipe, the chili has to be on the stove for thirty minutes. Eric moved a strand of messed hair from his forehead, panting heavily on the counter. He was exhausted from slicing peppers and tomatoes and simmering beef.

"God, Eric, you need to clean up and watch a movie with me in the living room. I'll handle the snacks this time."

After hours of standing in the hot kitchen, Eric couldn't resist the welcoming offer. 

"I think I'll shower first if you don't mind." He sniffed his stench under his musty arm. 

Stan nodded empathically, then smile deviously. "Can I join in the shower with you?"

Eric untied his rainbow apron, holding the apron in his arms. He smiled at him. "As long you scrub my back and feet, then yes."

Stan squeezed his ass, winking flirtatiously. "I'd be delighted."


	5. Gossip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter, Kyle and David are going to be introduced together as a couple.

"Are you serious, dude? Kyle and the Mexican are dating."

"It's true. Kyle had told me about last week."

Eric curled his mouth into a smirk and stirred mashed potato in his lunch tray. They were gossiping on the latest topic at the cafeteria. Kyle would've been here listening to them, but there was a family emergency involving Ike and workshop class. Stan brushed his leg against Eric's under the table and stole a fry in front of the burnet's tray.

"Didn't know Kyle likes them brown." he stifled his laughter, stabbing a rib steak with a plastic fork. 

Stan threw an empty milk carton at Eric, obviously offended by his boyfriend's racist remark. If Kyle or David, for that matter, was here to hear this, it'll be the end of both of them.

"Why'd you throw that carton at me? I just only kidding, Stan."

"You don't make fun of people based on their skin color," Stan told him, intrepidity raise in his voice. That was the tenth racist remark he made this week.

"Fine, fine. I'm sorry for being an asshole." He sarcastically apologized, taking a bite of the steak.

Stan sighed, then smiled. "We still need to work on your honesty."


	6. National Pasta Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle and David will be in the next chapter. This time.

"Happy National Pasta Day, Stan! Let's go to David's restaurant, and get pasta for free" Cartman shouted excitedly, excitement stretch his husky tone. 

"David's restaurant don't serve pasta or any Italian dishes," Stan slowly reminded him as he takes a bite of his red apple. Fall leaves landed on Cartman's coat as he approaches Stan to the bench, and took a seat next to him. He leaned against the dusty table and stole the juicy red apple from his boyfriend's grasp.

"They can cook anything other than Mexican food, Stan. Remember David's fourteenth birthday party and all the food on the table? Barbecue chicken and smoked sausages." Cartman still could taste the sweet and sour sauce on his baby back ribs. 

"How could I forget? Mr. and Mrs. Rodriguez can cook almost anything." Stan flicked his forehead with his finger, feeling completely dumb. "I am such an idiot."

Cartman spat out a seed from his apple and stomped it under a pile of leaves with his boot. He turned his head to an ashamed Stan, biting into their shared apple.

"You're not an idiot, Stan, you just have bad memories." Cartman offered back his apple, but Stan politely shakes his head. "Let's go already or else they'll run out of the free pasta! I cannot let down free pasta."

"We don't know if they have free pasta day, Eric."

"We're like family to these people, Stan. I'm sure they'll feed us free food for one day."

Stan wrinkled his nose, shuddering at the thought of eating a free meal at Nueva Familia. "It feels kind of needy."

"We are needy, Stan," Cartman told him, extending his hand out to hoist up Stan from the bench. The October air hits Stan in the face as he smiles at Cartman, following him out the park.


	7. Kyle's ass

"David, have you ever eaten out Kyle's ass? Like, what does it taste like?"

"Dude!" Stan and Kyle cried in unison.

Cartman looked at the best friends in bewilderment. He brought a bottle of Pepsi to his lips, furrowing his brow perplexedly. "What? Was it something I said?"

"You were asking a personal question about my ass, you pervert," Kyle yelled in disgust, clasping his hand in David's rough one. 

Cartman slumped on the couch and put his arm around Stan's shoulder on the couch. He shrugged lazily at the red haired's facial expression. "I was just asking, Jew."

"But that was a personal question, amigo. You have no business to ask such a perverted question about my mami." David ran his fingers through Kyle's curly red hair, kissing him on the cheek. Kyle smiled warmly at his boyfriend as David's arm wrap around him protectively, matching Stan and Cartman's position.

"I love you, David." Kyle's green eyes stared into David's dark ones. He felt safe in his boyfriend's warm embrace. 

David massaged Kyle's scalp with his rusty nails as he replies, "I love you, novio."

"Novio?" Stan questioned David.

David smiled at Stan. "Si, it means boyfriend. As in two guys in a relationship."

"Aw, how adorable." Stan cooed sweetly at David stroking Kyle's head. In Stan's opinion, Kyle and David make a cute couple. They always protect each other when one is in a dangerous situation. 

"I'm sorry for asking about Kyle's ass." Cartman broke his concentration of the embracing couple as he whispers in Stan's ear. Soft moaning sounds escaped from Stan as Cartman apologizes him with sweet kisses on his neck.


	8. Happy Birthday Stan!

"Happy birthday, Hippie." Cartman's voice echoed from the speaker in the living room. Stan was eating vanilla ice cream with rainbow sparkles on the sofa, watching reruns of his favorite football game. His birthday has been great so far: Sharon made him pancakes with chocolate chips and syrup on top, Randy went out to find an affordable car for him, and Shelly just flipped him the bird, not caring for his special day. What a bitch.

Stan licked the bottom on the silver spoon. "Thanks. I thought I have to remind you what day it is."

A disgruntled moan booms through the speaker. "I already told you I'm sorry for mixing up your birthday and Halloween."

Stan took a bite of his ice cream, glancing his iPhone on the table to the left. He smiled at the device. "I've forgotten you, dude."

"Whatever." Cartman's gritty voice murmured in the background. 

Stan swirled his ice cream in circles, waiting for Cartman to surprise him with a gift. 

"I have a surprise for my beautiful dove tonight." 

Stan's heart leaped at the brunet's husky voice. "You do?"

"Yes, I do, my beautiful hippie. Just come over and bring condoms and cream whip." Cartman lustily moaned in response. "I'll be bottom this time."

Stan knew what his boyfriend had planned for him: food sex. Stan placed his bowl on the table, quickly reach his phone nearby and pressed the answer button.

"I'll be right over there now!" 

"This will be a birthday you'll never forget."


	9. Kenny the pervert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slight Stanman and Bunny.

"Hey, Stan do you have an extra clean underwear for Buttercup? He accidently spilled his while we were rough playing at my house."

Stan looked at the perverted blond half-lidded, leaning against the door. He crossed his arms over his chest. "Were you two fucking on your bed again?"

Kenny's eyes lit up in excitement, willing to express his experiment with the Scotch boy. "Yes, Stan and it was the sex best I had in a while. Butters is excellent in giving head."

"Too many details, dude." Stan shook his head in disinterest.

Kenny scoffed playfully. "You think Eric is much better at dick sucking than Butters? Is he a profession at gagging a thick cock in his throat?"

"Dude! Stop with the disgusting questions and come inside for the underwear." Smirking at his friend's demure expression, Kenny happily smiles at Stan and enters in the air-conditioned living room. Stan followed Kenny behind, still disgusted by his vulgar comments.


	10. Germany

"I can't believe Donald Trump beat Hillary Clinton for president." 

"Neither can I."

Stan wavered on the TV screen, tears rolling on his cheeks. Stan was shocked at the result of Donald Trump becoming the next president. Stan let out a soft sob as he swiftly inclines his head on Cartman's shoulder, squeezing his fat hand with his trembling one. They were going to have a president who once had a reality show.

"Our country is going to be screwed once he moves into the White House." Stan sniffed, blinking in frustration. 

"He can't be worst than me." Cartman tried to cheer his emotional boyfriend with a hint of humor.

Stan squeezed his hand tighter, sniffing softly. "You might be an asshole and a jerk, but at least you have a soul."

"And not orange." Cartman joked.

Stan chuckled a bit. "Yeah, that too."

Cartman held Stan close, rubbing his arm fondly. This aftermath of the election is going to take weeks of Stan to come out his stupor. 

"Babe, this won't be the end of the world," Cartman suddenly declared. "we can always move to another country, and I know the perfect one for us."

Stan pulled off from his shoulder, wiping tears with his backhand. Red marks were already on his face.

Cartman vividly smirked as he shouts. "Germany!"

"Germany? But how are we going to transport to Germany?"

"Don't worry, baby, I have everything planned," Cartman told him with a genuine smile. "If it would make you feel better, I can bring Kyle and Kenny to tag along unless they want to stay."

Stan let out a relieved cry and kissed his boyfriend on the lips. Next year they will rebuild a new life in Germany.


	11. Chinese food or chicken noodle soup

"Is that Chinese food?" 

"Um, yeah." Cartman sat the Chinese box on the desk table and removed the lid from the small container. Stan rolled his eyes weakly at his boyfriend on the bed. He was sick with the flu, and Eric was taking care of him in his house.

"Dude, I need real food for my illness; not Chinese food," Stan steadily sat upon the puffy pillow.

"Really? I thought it was spicy food that makes the flu go away." Cartman deemed of the idea after taking advice from Yahoo Answers.

Stan shook his head. "Apparently it doesn't; only cooked soup and fluids can. I thought you knew that?"

"To be honest, I never had the flu before so I didn't know." Cartman's voice soften at the last part. "I guess I screw this up, huh?"

Stan weakly smiled at him. "No, babe, you're just not used to it," 

Cartman walked toward the bed and sat on the edge, embarrassment wash over him. He wanted to make things better for his ill boyfriend without being an idiot for not knowing to get rid of the common cold. 

Cartman placed his hand on Stan's knee as he begins to rub it gently. He sighed in defeat. "I just want to make you feel better, Stan."

Stan's eyes glistened as he looks at him. "You are making me feel better, Eric." 

"Really?" Cartman asked in confusion.

Stan nodded weakly. "Really." 

Cartman blushed as he smiles at his boyfriend, suddenly feeling better. "Thanks, babe." Cartman sat up from the bed and made his way out the door before telling Stan what he's going to do. "I'm going to buy you chicken noodle soup and chocolate chip ice cream so stay in bed and don't call or answer the door to anyone."


	12. How to Books suck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stan and David bond on Facebook. There will be more Stanman and a dash of Kyvid and Bunny on the next chapter.

David: Amigo, can I ask you something?

Stan: Sure? But why are you talking to me on Facebook? 

David: I'm sick, remember? I have a stomach virus from eating an expired burrito.

Stan: Oh, right.

David: Yeah. Kyle needs you to pick up something from his house and bring it to me. He would've picked up whatever it is, but he has to stay after school to tutor Craig Tucker.

Stan: Oh that. It's a book about how to take care of cooked meals. 

David: A How to Book? Que embarazoso! I thought it was something interesting, like a box of chocolates. I can't believe he called me to tell you to bring me a boring book. Typical Kyle.

Stan: I know how you feel. Eric just brings comics and junk food when I'm sick.

David: Well I will wait for you to deliver the tedious book. Don't tell Kyle about calling his book tedious. 

Stan: I won't.

David: Thanks, amigo :) 

Stan: No problemo ;)

David: Problemo? You're funny ;)

Stan: Are you flirting with me because I'm unavailable.

David: No amigo. I would never flirt with my boyfriend's best friend behind his back.

Stan:...I just joking.

David: Oh.


	13. Happy

Delight moans escaped from Cartman as he takes a bit into Stan's homemade vanilla cupcake. On the first day of baking, and Stan was already a natural. Who knew baking basic cupcakes would be this delicious? 

"Jesus, babe, who taught you to bake so flawlessly?" Cartman said muffled.

Stan looked at his cupcakes batch on the table, smiling. He looked up and smiled at his boyfriend beside on the couch.

"I follow the recipe from the book, dude. That's why they are good." Stan said.

"And they are good! You should bake more of these and bring them on a Bake Sale." Cartman suggested, licking icing on the corner of his mouth. "We can make it big, Stan."

Stan frowned, shaking his head. "No, dude. I don't want to make a profit out of it."

Cartman huffed. "Why not?"

"Because I made these for us, Eric." Stan pointed the cupcakes with a smile. "I want to make you happy by baking cupcakes."

"And you did, babe. You always make me happy, Stan." Cartman turned to him, staring deeply into his blue eyes. "So. Damn. Much." Stan stifled a soft moan as Cartman leans in and kisses him on the lips.


	14. Merry Christmas

"Merry Christmas, Stan!"

Stan spread his arms and embraced Cartman in a tight hug in his room.

"Merry Christmas, Eric. I love you."

"I love you too, Stan, and I want to give you your present." Cartman stepped back, reaching down his jeans pocket and took out an envelope.

Before giving him the envelope, Cartman gave Stan a peck on the forehead. "I nearly spent my whole savings for this, so I better not hear you complain about the wrong ticket."

Stan's ears perked up. "Ticket?" He quickly tore off the envelope in anticipation. Stan could feel his heart leaping in his chest as he places his right hand over his chest while the other holds the ticket.

Cartman shifted his shoe nervously, biting his lip. He looked at Stan, waiting for his reaction. "Do you like it? I could always get a refund." Not wanting to reply his answer, Stan threw himself on Cartman, hand clutched on the ticket.

Stan gave Cartman a quick kiss on the lips, squealing in joy. "I love it so much, Eric! Thank you!"

Cartman kissed on his forehead, looking longingly at Stan's eyes. "I knew you love it."

"Your present came from online as well," Stan told him, moving strands of brown hair on Cartman's forehead.

Cartman held him closer. "Isn't that so?"

"Hmm-mmm. It's an art supply kit."

"I can't wait to open it once it arrives."


End file.
